I perceive myself as a very fashionable person ( I give some of you few seconds to laugh) when I decide and have good time, I can dress up pretty well, (I give some of you time to nod) . I mix my colours well and try as much as possible not to look exaggerated or flat. This is me, all this is what goes through my mind, what I think of myself. Once in a while am told I look good, other times no compliments and most times I encourage myself in the Lord. I have a confession though; I don’t think of myself much, I find myself buying things for my daughter. But guess what, she thinks I buy old fashion stuff!!
So in one occasion am very broke, counting few coins between me and the next financial miracle, then I see a beautiful blue coat, the left side of the brain says ‘if you buy this coat you will not afford to go home, and what will you eat?’ but the right side says ‘you can’t sleep at work, you will find a way out, just picture how she will smile when you arrive home with this’ The mind battle did not last for a long time, in a few minutes I was walking away with the coat and feeling nothing about it. In such occasions I work restlessly, I can’t wait to get home and make someone’s day after a harsh day at school (class five is not smiling at us)
I walk straight to where she is and tell her to stand up and close her eyes; I have a surprise for her. Her eyes are sore from all the homework but she looks interested. With all my energy I put the coat on her and walk her to the mirror and shout ‘OPEN YOUR EYES’. I’m smiling from ear to ear, hoping for a big hug and thank you! Then I realize the look on her face, total disgust! She starts unbuttoning very fast, ‘You have bought me a blue coat, I am not your son, I m a girl’, she is not even turning to look at me; in her world she is wondering what is wrong with me. People! This girl told me last week that she likes blue!
Do I need to remind you that I made a financial risk in buying that coat, and that it is cute and has flowery buttons? Okay, this is where I cut the story short, I did try convincing her that she looks good in it, showed her all the features, and she said it makes her look like a boy. I changed my tactic and said she will wear it by force, gave her a few examples of how my mother used to make us matching clothes and we wore them in public, willing or not. Even showed her a picture of myself when I was little, I was all smiles with a red blouse, orange skirt and green shoes. Nothing worked, she approached me and requested that when I’m planning to buy things for her, I should go with her because I m a bit old-fashioned!
Let’s all go back and read the first paragraph on how I perceive myself.
Is she making sense? I think so, but does she have the right? I don’t know! I have actually trained her to receive gifts from people, so if you give her anything she will smile and say thank you. Whether she likes it or not, whether she will use it or not, that is our little secret. Now I know that the strategy does not apply to me, I’m told the bitter truth. I cannot say I will never buy her clothes, it is my responsibility. I cannot say that she must like everything that comes from me, or pretend to, because I have taught her to be free and real with me.
Guess what? I’m here swallowing my pride, she has a point! She is all grown and can pick a coat for herself! But am not throwing this one, I will pack for her for the next camp, she will put it on.