Have you ever met kids who are little bosses, they do the wrong things while the parents pamper them with ‘daddy/ mummy’ titles. Or even worse, someone’s kid messes with you and the parent doesn’t do anything. You cannot beat them up, because in this generation, neighbors are not allowed to discipline. Do I sound like am venting? Good, because today I am.
I’m in this beautiful gathering and someone’s son is walking around with a stick, hitting our heads, in this very serious spiritual meeting. So all of us are telling ‘baba’ to stop, and the mother is smiling at him saying ‘he is just upset that his dad is not yet home’. Well, upset or not, should he be banging our heads? I love children so much, and I have been banged before, bitten, scratched, and all this time I have been saying it’s because the parents are away. Because when someone’s parent is there, they will pinch them, or tell them to stop.
That’s other people’s children, lets come to my most ‘real one’ the one I live with: My daughter. Because of her nature she is the most quite person in a room full of visitors. But there are those ones who have come many times and are like part of the family now, for this ones, she is her real self. I used to enjoy watching her play with my friends, insisting she be carried on the back down the stairs, swinging on their legs and even yelling at some. As a mother I felt glad that she is mingling and having fun, and of course no one was complaining.
It’s not that I can’t tell her ‘no’. I do, especially in private. I am the queen of ‘no’, and she knows my ‘no’ voice. Sometimes it causes so much silence in the house, because the princess is mad. But I learnt that the queen has to be queen even when princess is not talking.
Going back to today’s topic, there are times when she has been bossy, wanting everything to go her way, those are the times I was still of the idea that I have to please her to get her love. Then I realized that I have to be mom, in private and in public, and she has to know what my eyes mean, what my voice means, and dance to my tune. It doesn’t mean that I don’t let her play; it means that there are limits.
I don’t think we should allow our children to boss around, especially when we are in public, and even go ahead and boss visitors around, while we sit and cheer them on, finding reasons why they are behaving that way. We must train them in private how to behave in public, how to talk to grown-ups and how to obey when they hear ‘no’.
I have been in homes where children come to me and we play very well, but when they go overboard, ‘mom’s voice’ brings order. The children don’t cry, or get mad; we continue playing, now with limits. When I was a child, even visitors who are not relatives were allowed to punish me, but in this generation, touch someone’s child at your own risk! So now that we don’t want anybody else disciplining our children, why don’t we do it ourselves! Why don’t we train them to be orderly? Why don’t we give them limits especially when it comes to visitors?
Truth be told, if you cannot handle them in the privacy of your house, you will not handle them in public. Start the training now before they bang the wrong heads.