I’m I The Only ‘Bad Mom’

 

I’m I the only mom who makes special sound effects and pretends to respond to endless stories, when so tired and busy? Once she was telling me some classroom drama they had in school, and she believes I know all her classmates because when I visit her school they all come to say hi, so having had a very long day, I wasn’t paying attention, she went on and on until she discovered I was on another planet and she asked ‘are you even listening?’ sometimes when she yells out my name I pretend not to hear, Aaaauch!

I’m I the only mom who forgets small and big things? Forgets to come home with a rubber/ruler, forgets to pack snacks, forgets a storybook, forgets important school stuff: on Wednesdays, she puts on a track suit to school, and the full school uniform on the rest of the weekdays, so this day with my mommy powers I prepare everything in advance, feeling so accomplished, only for the school bus to arrive and everyone inside is in a track suit, while she is in her full school uniform. (Even if we both forgot, the blame falls on me)

Am I the only mom who doesn’t fulfil all her promises? Who ends up breaking a few of them, explains why and moves on like it never happened.  When promising, you should look at my face, especially when I’m in rush. We are shopping and I respond to questions like, ‘will you buy me this book if i pass my exams’ I absent mindedly say ‘yes’ so that we can proceed. And other times I underestimate her and overpromise, ‘if you score everything in math’s I will buy you that dress’ and she scores everything. Comes home with a smile gives me the results and I smile back congratulating her, only to be reminded of the promise, the exact mall and the exact shop.

I’m I the only mom who fails her child. When she depends on me and I cannot make it, when I have to send someone to pick her or represent me. When she expects me to show up and I fail (by the way, when I was in class six in boarding school my parents forgot to come for me on closing day, and came two days later because they had confused on dates, I still cannot believe it, a decade later) Sometimes we make arrangements to go out, and it just doesn’t work out, because of our unpredictable schedules. She tells me all the time, ‘don’t think I have forgotten…’ and I confidently book another date. Hopeful that one day it shall come to pass.

Don’t look at me with those eyes, some mothers forget their children in malls, and remember them while held up on traffic jam. I asked a 5 year old what they would like for their birthday and they asked for ‘ A whole day with mom’, Not all parents don’t care, not all are too busy for their kids, not all of them have given the responsibility to house helps. There are some who wake up every morning and give their best, even when their best is not enough.

Our motherly instincts care and love, but we are far from perfection. Even when we behave like super moms, perfect cooks, and ‘best friends to our children, we fall short from time to time. We always want to be there, but sometimes we can’t. We always want to make it work; we always want to remember, we always want to pay attention and keep our promises; but we often fail them. We give our best and hope for a better day.  We never give up; we fall seven times and rise up again.

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